Tilgate Special Ladies Men Match

By Mollie Bourton

One Thursday after a round of Golf Leslie was approached in the car park by a gentleman from the Senior’s at Tilgate and asked if a match could be organised - Leslie got on the case and the match took place on Thursday 9th September. We met at the clubhouse just after eight, we all paid a small entry fee and were given a strip of raffle tickets free, others were on sale if required. Six teams played a Texas Scramble, each team comprised of three men and one lady, except our team which was two men and two ladies, Brenda representing one of the Senior’s.

Our team had a good time out there on the golf course, we won’t say too much about the golf, we laughed and sang our way around the course, we reminded ourselves it was Battle of Britain week – we won’t say too much about the golf but it was pointed out that we had come sixth, not last but sixth !

Rain threatened all day, but stayed away and we were the last team and as we got to putt on the 18th it started to spit with rain so we rushed to finish and put our clubs in the car and the skies opened up and it poured.

We got back to the clubhouse and the Seniors had arranged for a very nice lunch with sandwiches, tea and coffee and cake. Leslie had supplied all the prizes for the raffle.

Very many thanks to Brian and Leslie for all their hard work - I know they enjoyed the day too, it was a real pleasure and we look forward to many more matches in the future.

Three wishes

A guy's boat capsizes and he swims ashore to a desert island. On the beach lies a beautiful woman, her ample bust falling out of a tight wetsuit. She tells him she'll grant him any wish he'd like. "I'd kill for a cigarette,'' he says. She zips down the top of the wetsuit a little, reaches into her bosom and fishes out a smoke. He enjoys.

"Anything else?" she says. "A cold beer," he says. She zips the top down a little further, reaches in and comes up with a beer. He's relaxing with his beer and his smoke when she says to him, "Would you like to play around?"

He looks at her excitedly and blurts out, "You got a set of clubs in there, too?"

The match against Surrey National!

Captain's Day

Monday 12 July the Captain's cup was well contested. The results being as follows:

Winner Ken Pattenden (17) 43 Points
Second Reg Luff (28) 42 Points
Third Colin Duggan (15) 41 Points

Handicaps in brackets

My score oops I forget.

Only once a week

Tom was not having a good day on the golf course. After he missed a short putt, his partner asked him what the problem was.

"It's the wife" said Tom. "As you know, she's taken up golf, and since she's been playing, she's cut my sex down to once a week."

"Well you should think yourself lucky," said his partner. "She's cut some of us out altogether!"

I play golf on Fridays

By John Bennett

Eileen and her husband Bob went for counselling after 25 years of
marriage.

When asked what the problem was, Eileen went into a passionate, painful
tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had
been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness,
loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of
unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage.

Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time,
the therapist got up, walked around the desk and after asking Eileen to
stand, embraced her, unbuttoned her blouse and bra, put his hands on
her breasts and massaged them thoroughly, while kissing her
passionately as her husband Bob watched with a raised eyebrow.

Eileen shut up, buttoned up her blouse, and quietly sat down while
basking in the glow of being highly aroused.

The therapist turned to Bob and said, 'This is what your wife needs at
least three times a week. Can you do this?' Bob thought for a moment and replied,

'Well I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays but on Fridays I play golf.”

A Tilgate Victory over Hassocks!

Wednesday 7 July

Here we have Geoff Barden from Hassocks, George Lockert and Captains Joe Burgin and Peter Ward. They finished 7 & 6. Another fine win for Joe, now on 50% wins in the interclub matches.

Tilgate won 4 matches to 2 with the results as follows:
Colin Puddephatt & Ivoe Blunden Lost 1 hole
Bryan Foster & Tony Kingston Lost 2 & 1
Gavin Grove & Roy Lowe Won 2 & 1
Ron Humphrey & Bill Power Won 4 & 5
Peter Quelch & Bill Crozier Won 8 & 7

The day was perfect for golf ,the food was fine and the result first class.
Lets hope we can repeat the result at the return match on Thursday 23rd September.